Permit me, if you will, to exhibit an absolutely squirrelly sense
of delight to know you’ve decided to enter my world and feast
upon my thoughts as if they were a piping-hot plate of Christmas
turkey!
All I’ve ever wanted in my life was to be liked by you. My
self-esteem and my very will to live are entirely contingent upon
your ceaseless and unmitigated approval of everything I do.
You have no choice but to permit me to gloat like a fat, drunken,
lederhosen-wearing elf dancing in front of a cracklin' fire about
the fact that the man variously known as "The One" and "The Messiah"
has already faced two significant scandals regarding high-profile
politicians in his demimonde.
And he hasn't even been inaugurated yet.
Last night at the ATL Gangbangers' M*A*S*H Unit—I've never
seen a medical establishment with metal detectors before—that
is formally known as Grady Memorial Hospital's emergency room, I
heard one dark rhino of a female medical worker bellow out to another,
"Inauguration Day's comin, baby! It's OUR time now!"
Meet the new boss. More melanin and better at shooting hoops than
the old boss.
Yes'm, you could point to any epaulet-wearing ruler in any extant
African country, and they'd ALL be far less corrupt than American
politicians. Duh! That's a no-brainer! Only a racist would argue
otherwise.
Very few will believe that I sincerely wanted (and want) Obama
to be a great president. There are few things I'd like more than
if he actually were a new sort of politician. But for fuck's
sake—this is a man who subtitled his autobiography A Story
of Race and Inheritance but was brilliant enough to convince
people he was a post-racial candidate. He repeatedly said his opponents
would bring up his race during the campaign although they never
did. He had much of the world believing that the election had nothing
to do with race, although it's clear it was the only significant
topic on the plate. This was a chance for every forward-thinking
white person in America to expunge themselves of their warped-and-shattered
historical guilt complex with the flick of a lever.
Many of them responded with zombie-eyed, cultlike fervor to his
election. Some went so far as to claim that the candidate of HopeTM
and ChangeTM had officially murdered cynicism. Like hypnotized
sheep, they all insisted that anyone who was remotely cynical about
Obama's innate saintliness was, indeed, a racist.
Barack Obama was born in Hawaii (or Kenya), grew up in Indonesia,
was schooled in Massachusetts, and yet he chose the most corrupt
city in American politics in order to start his political career.
And still, because of race, many refuse (and probably still refuse)
to admit that any of this might smell bad.
To them, he is still an angel. An angel who surrounds himself with
corrupt politicians, but an angel nonetheless.
Because of race. Because black people couldn't possibly
be human and thus subject to the same sort of moral frailties as
those evil whites.
A dozen years ago I published a book which insisted that history
is far better understood through an economic prism than a racial
one. The book was dismissed as racist.
So what sort of ChangeTM can we expect?
It's simple:
Instead of a collapsing economy brought about by the soulless
financiers of shady international land deals and stupid wars, we'll
have a collapsing economy brought about by the soulless financiers
of shady domestic land deals and stupid war movies.
LET'S INVADE CANADA
(and make it a truly multicultural place)
Although I think it would be very, very funny if we were actually
to invade and forcefully subjugate Canada, I'm actually somewhat
serious when I say that we should at least consider doing so.
