promises
I will never use the word "blog," except for right there.
I have never used an emoticon, and I'm not about to start.
The words "nigger" and "cunt" will be used for comical purposes only and not as terms of disdain toward those who, as fate would have it, were born with different skin and genitals from mine.
I will not beat women while in the process of making my diary entries.
I will not interrupt the writing of my diary entries to masturbate.
I will pepper my prose with adorable words I've coined such as "jerkasaurus," "poopnut," and "reniggerated."
I will try to start fewer sentences with the word "I."
Even if you think I'm talking about you, I'm not talking about you.
I'll answer your e-mail one of these days, if I feel up to it.
