bisexual by necessity
Encrusted within the velvety neon rainbow of human sexual lifestyle choices is a rarely acknowledged group I've labeled "bisexual by necessity." These are the ones who go either way—whatever way will have them. These are the fat, mottled, criminally uncomely specimens who advertise their freewheelin' sexual orientation within five minutes of meeting you—whether you've asked them or not. These are the genital pariahs who haunt swingers' clubs and wheelchair-accessible orgies—and still don't get laid.
Let's cut through the hippy-dippy jargon about "polyamorousness." It isn't because they're boldly experimenting. It isn't because they're free with their sexuality. It isn't because they truly enjoy eating pussy AND sucking cock. It's because they're ugly and lonely.
"I can't understand why more people aren't bisexual," Woody Allen once said. "It would double your chances for a date on Saturday night." Sho 'nuff. Same goes for fucking your aging girlfriend's adopted kid.
