baseball team feels guilty for winning championship
ROCK ISLAND, ILLINOIS—After a hard-fought summer of extra-inning wins and head-first slides into home plate, most baseball teams would feel ecstatic to have won the league championship. Most teams would be bathing in champagne froth and having unprotected sex with local female fans.
Not so the Rock Island Roosters.
After sweeping the Quad Cities World Series against the Davenport Devils, a morose sense of guilt overcame most Roosters, who unanimously elected to give their championship trophy to the losers.
"It isn't about winning, it's about justice," explained Roosters skipper Tod Croppy. "Ideas such as 'talent,' 'hard work,' and 'superiority' are social constructs." When asked whether it might be insulting to hand the vanquished Devils a trophy which they didn't win, Croppy replied, "It isn't nearly as bad for their self-esteem as the fact that we beat them."
"I think this is pretty cool," beamed Antoine Gingerflake, the Devils' first baseman. "It was wrong what they did to us—beating us like that—and this goes a long way toward making things right." Gingerflake was later spotted having unprotected sex with a local Roosters fan.
