mona lisa—one ugly bitch
I wonder whether anyone has ever masturbated to the Mona Lisa. It had to have happened somewhere in history...say, a lonely one-armed Bavarian cobbler on a wintry night in the late 1800s, ogling a gold-leafed art book illuminated by a kerosene lamp, yanking his legume-shaped manhood while wearing a fingerless glove, spilling his rancid yellowy seed on Mona's face and then beating his dog with a cane because he felt guilty...but one would have to be PRETTY HARD-UP to wanna plug this butt-ugly wop skank.
If the Mona Lisa sidled up to the barstool next to yours at closing time, would you do her? Look at this "classic beauty" objectively—beady eyes, wormy lips, a nose which could dig holes in the ground, balding forehead, stringy hair, and easily a hundred pounds overweight—I'd have to pop Viagra like Good 'n' Plenty to even consider it. Shave the top of her head, and she looks like Jason Alexander. The only thing vaguely erotic about this painting is the hint of a shiner over her left eye. Now THAT'S hot!
Why is she smiling? Because they didn't have mirrors back then.
