rating the democratic candidates
General Wesley Clark ... Rugged, yet not afraid to be elegant. Feels equally comfortable on the battlefield or at the opera.
Governor Howard Dean ... Looks like he lays really smelly farts. And he's too chub for my tastes.
Senator John Edwards ... I guess he's cute if you like that preppy mid-80s Mark Harmon type—NOT!
Reverend Al Sharpton ... I'm glad he's toned it down with the Darth Vader helmet he used to call a hairdo.
Ambassador Carol Moseley-Braun ... I like what she's doing with the hair and the teeth. It's like her hair and teeth are saying, "I'm a strong, proud, confident, intelligent black woman's hair and teeth."
Senator Joe Lieberman ... Looks like a drunk koala bear. And a little Grecian Formula wouldn't hurt, darling.
Congressman Dennis Kucinich ... Eewwww! Too ugly to be president. Too ugly to be photographed. Next!
Senator John Kerry ... This isn't a presidential candidate, this is a movie monster.
Congressman Dick Gephardt ... The man has no eyebrows. The man has NO eyebrows.
