i catch my penis in a zipper and realize it's a big world out there
This morning, after one of my four score and seven trips to the latrine to purge my kidneys of the keg of coffee I drink daily, I caught my zipper on the bottom of my dickhead. The steel apparatus bit into a pinkish morsel of cockflesh, breaking skin and causing me to shriek in womanly agony. Although mostly healed, my glans penis still has a pimplish bump on it from the collision with my zipper.
The pain was momentary. But the wisdom I gleaned from it will last a lifetime.
I allow myself an inordinate degree of self-pity because I feel isolated in this world. I sit home alone, eating bon-bons and sucking my thumb, a big stony moat protecting my heart from the dragons who wish to slay it.
But after waxing my bikini area this afternoon, I went online and realized that there are people like me out there...people who've caught their cocks in their zippers. Like this guy, who pretended he had his cock caught in his zipper so he could expose his genitals to women. Or this guy (search for the word 'zipper') who was exposing his genitals to women and actually got his cock caught in his zipper. There's even this line in the film There's Something About Mary: "...it turns out that getting your dick stuck in your zipper was the best thing that ever happened to you."
I couldn't agree more. I don't feel so alone anymore. I share things in common with sexual perverts, um, other sexual perverts, and the screenwriters for brain-damaged Hollywood comedies.
