sorry, god, for complaining about the heat wave
Dearest Lord Jehovah, God of Israel, O fluffy-bearded Father in heaven who was too much of a punk to come down and be crucified himself so he sent his only-begotten Son:
I'd like to retract that prayer from the other day asking you to do something about the heat wave in the Pacific Northwest. I thank you for responding to it, because I know you're very busy. Though I'm not sure what your normal procedure is for retracting a prayer, I once saw on an episode of Matlock that writing my request down like this is considered legal and binding, even on you.
Not to be rude, but I think you overreacted. It's been cold and rainy for the past three or four days. I've even had to turn the fucking HEAT on—in August! WHAT were you thinking? Is this your idea of a joke? Very funny—must be that "Jewish humor" they're always talking about.
I was thinking more along the lines of "sunny and in the upper 70s" rather than this gloomy, blustery "Cape Cod October" shit you've been trying to pawn off as weather.
I figured that, since you're God, you understood what I meant when I asked for an end to the heat wave. I didn't think I'd have to spell everything out for you. I won't make that mistake again.
