republicans 'n' coloreds
While channel-surfing the other night, I swear I saw Isaac Hayes and his band gettin' jiggy at the Republican Convention as a sea of comically arrhythmic Caucasian delegates tried to boogie. Although it apparently wasn't Isaac Hayes, hours of online searching turned up nothing about this Mystery Black Republican Performer—I tried just about every possible keyword combination and could fetch neither a jot nor a tittle written about the event.
But it got me thinking about the strange relationship between Republicans and coloreds. The first Republican president was Abraham Lincoln, and in case no one told you, he freed the slaves. And in the post-Civil War South, the nearly all-black legislatures which emerged in Reconstruction were composed almost entirely of Republicans. Back then, the Democrats were the party of KKK terror and racial separatism. You can look it up—it's all true.
So whenever someone starts yappling about the Racist Redneck Republicans, I give them a little history lesson and walk away, basking in my brilliance.
I'm not sure when the switch occurred—when the Democrats became the Negro-friendly party—but I assume it was gradual and had more to do with inter-party power-jockeying than any genuine concern for the Afros.
But even today, the Republicans field the most able Nigra politicians—Colin Powell would win the presidency in a landslide if he ever chose to run, and Condoleezza Rice certainly has more marbles than Democratic voodoo priests such as Al Sharpton.
I'm not a Republican or a Democrat. I'm a felon who isn't allowed to vote, and I wouldn't vote even if they let me. I just enjoy fucking with people's heads and proving, more often than not, that the world is upside-down.
