i suspect i may be jewish
It's an established scientific fact, as well as a matter of the public record and the resounding consensus of popular opinion, that I possess a suspiciously Jewish-looking nose.
I bear other physical attributes unique to the Twelve Tribes such as kinky, unmanageable hair and a look in my eyes that screams of self-pity.
One of the Handy Facts I've always been able to pull out of my sleeve when accused of being a white supremacist is that I don't consider white Europeans to be the Master Race. I think the Chinks and Jews are neck-and-neck as far as smarts go, but I ultimately bequeath the laurel upon the Jews merely because they're funnier. So, my flimsy logic goes, I can't be a racist because I don't consider my people to be better than everyone else.
But what if, in reality, I'm an abandoned Jewish orphan who was left on the cement front steps of a broodingly unhappy Irish-Catholic family on the red-brick outskirts of Philly? At this point in my life, I'm not ruling out anything.
I think my sense of humor is Jewish. I'm smarter than most white people, which is kind of a Jewish thing, too. And I think that, by and large, Arabs smell funny.
So maybe I'm a Jewish Supremacist based solely on the fact that I am, indeed, a Jew, and my genetics steer me inexorably toward favoring my own seed.
Is there a DNA test I can take? And that opens a much broader (and potentially troublesome) topic—is being Jewish more a matter of genetics or religious faith?
How do you all feel about this? Would you treat me differently if you knew I was Jewish, and if yes, how so?
