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jimgoad.net :: adult pet finder
Adult Pet Finder
The World’s #1 Online Social Network for House Pets Seeking Casual Sex!
Since the dawn of time, house pets’ sexual opportunities have largely been confined only to animals in their immediate proximityanimals they might not otherwise find attractive. In countless casesperhaps the majorityour nation’s house pets have been forced into unwanted sexual encounters with other animals not for their own pleasure, but to line the pockets of their greedy human breeder/owners.
Our nation’s human populations realized years ago that the Internet was a great place to seek and procure casual sex. But surfing the Internet for booty calls is no longer the exclusive domain of human beings. House pets are finally getting in on the game, too. Thanks to the Internet, America’s house pets are the latest to “get wired” and “go online” looking to “hook up” and “get with each other.”
Adult social-networking sites for house pets is an idea whose time is long overdue. Animals, like people, are not always seeking long-term relationships. Animals are much more comfortable having sex without commitment than humans, especially human females. Animals don’t have the performance issues and cosmetic-hygienic anxieties that afflict most humans. They have absolutely no trouble getting busy. Once animals realized there was a way to have even more casual, meaningless, indiscriminate, opportunistic sex than they usually do, they flocked to the Internet like dogs to a fire hydrant.
Over the past few years, the animals have started doin’ it for themselves. Dozens of websites have emerged seeking to cater to the unique needs of house pets who are seeking physical intimacy without personal commitment. Some of the more successful and well-known sites are heavypetting.com, asssniff.com, givethedogmybone.com, and muttsidliketofuck.com. All of these sites provide healthy outlets for pets who only want to get a nut.
But none of these sites have enjoyed as much traffic or notoriety as adultpetfinder.com, a Cleveland, Ohio-based social-networking site which attracts over one million unique visitors daily. Unlike the aforementioned sites (as well as myspace.com), adultpetfinder.com allows registered users to post candid photos of themselves featuring full-frontal (and dorsal) nudity. The typical adultpetfinder.com personal profile is crammed with luridly moist close-up photos of canine and feline nether regions. Even though the site’s registration process features several questions designed to screen out would-be human lurkers (“Have you ever sniffed an ass, and if you have, did you like it?”), it’s likely that many of those one-million-plus daily visitors are human voyeurs.
Unfortunately, the site recently made negative headlines after it was revealed that a female Pomeranian named “Bitsy,” brutally gang-raped by six male Chihuahuas near Houston, TX, last month, had initially met her assailants in a chat room on adultpetfinder.com. “There are absolutely no filters in place to screen out the sexual predators from the animals that are just plain old-fashioned horny,” says Letitia “T-Bone” Creech, a Texas-based animal-rights advocate who has started a site called stoponlineanimalsex.com. Creech, a small, round woman who smells strongly of mildew, claims the online animal “meat markets” have caused a sharp upward spike in STDs among house pets and have, over the last year alone, led to over a half-million unwanted litters. Creech also asserts that although adultpetfinder.com features a home-page disclaimer stating that “you have to be at least 18 in dog years; 21 if you’re a cat” in order to login, it’s easy for underage animals to lie. “A lot of these animals are too young to make their own decisions about sex and relationships,” Creech grunts. “They go in there expecting a good time, and they come out with a case of feline gonorrhea and an unwanted litter of kittens.”
Several house pets were asked to be interviewed for this article, but all declined comment. However, the following post from a message board on adultpetfinder.com tends to adequately sum up the animals’ feelings:
Would you rather we all meet in an alley? Asshole humans have forced us into animal concentration camps and selectively bred us for thousands of years, and now all of the [sic] sudden they’re worried about our sexual health and well-being? I’ll tell you what ‘sexual exploitation’ is. It’s when humans play matchmaker with animals and then sell their offspring to other humans. Have you ever had some creature ten times your size dress you up in some ridiculous costume and snap pictures of you, thinking it’s cute? Have you ever tasted a fucking Milk Bone? Could you even imagine that being a treat? Would you like to eat dog food and walk around on a leash and then have people tell you what to do with your genitals? An animal’s never neutered a human being, I’ll put it that way. You’ve never seen a gerbil stick a human up its ass. Humans need to worry what’s wrong with them and stay the fuck out of our litter boxes.