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    Hillybilly Pussy Online!

    On the fringes of the masturbation ocean called the Internet, far beyond where brave men dare to surf, there exist niche markets serving the needs of men whose tastes run counter to the mainstream boob-job hordes. Out there, things which might repel the average red-blooded male…things, such as, oh, missing limbs, morbid obesity, or poop-munching parties…become sexually charged fetish items, sharpened arrows which strike deep at the pleasure center.

    By accident—I promise—I stumbled across the phenomenon of porno sites designed to appeal to persons who become sexually aroused at seeing naked pictorials of the sort of mangy, dentally handicapped, histrionic, low-class, inbred-and-continuing-to-inbreed white skanks paraded daily across the tube by the likes of Jerry Springer.

    Hard as it might be for us, uh, normal people to believe, there's a cottage industry providing jack fodder for men who fancy themselves having sex with white women of meager means.

    I's almost too terrible to ponder.

    One clue to these sites' possible appeal is the social archetype of the insatiable hillbilly gal willing to fuck ANYONE ANYWHERE ANYTIME. These girls flaunt the presumed alley-cat sexuality of the underclass. Their all-consuming rageful lust impels them to have sex with anyone...even the malformed horndogs who have to pay for coochie on the Internet. They are cum-chugging Cunts on a Hot Tin Roof who are constantly yowling and yammering for cock. One website barks that "Trashy White Girls in the trailer parks are the easiest pussy in the world." Another avers that "Trailer park girls are TOTAL sluts!", which claims to feature "more than 35,000 White Trash Girls," states as indisputable fact that "WHITE TRASH GIRLS GIRLS [sic] ARE THE EASIEST TO FUCK OF ALL THE AMERICAN WOMEN." This unique sales pitch inverts the typical porno strategy of precious unavailability...these girls are always available. They want to fuck you—even YOU.

    The standard porn advertising strategy is further inverted by the fact that these sites often go out of their way to admit that these girls "ain't runway models" or "aren't all that good-looking."

    Many of these sites feature black-on-white gang bangs, and it's hard to gauge whether that's a racist or a non-racist gesture—are these girls "white trash" because they gobble black cock, because these photo shoots portray their cum-splattered blonde heads like white croquet balls being batted around by huge black mallets? Are they relegated to the trash bin merely because of their race-mixin' ways? Who can tell? But when one woman naughtily exclaims, "My husband would kill me if he knew I kissed him right after sucking a big black man's salty balls," you know she's trash whatever way you slice it.

    Currently, I'm unaware of any websites that cater to a fetish for, say, "nigga project hos" or "wetback hotties" or "subjugated Injun squaws." There are other ethnic niche markets for "Chocolate Cuties" and "Lovely Latinas," but only low-class white gals get subjected to such outright disdain. Under any other skin tone, this would be unacceptable stereotyping. Someone should write a book about such double standards, I swear.

    And considering the availability of stock photos and porno's hallowed tendency to "create" erotic situations, it's also difficult to gauge how "authentic" many of these sites are. Rather than being uploaded from a shack in the Tennessee hills, many of these sites seem as if they were slapped together by some geeky Cali technerd trying to guess what someone with a white-trash fetish wants to see.

    But the more disturbing question is: Who patronizes these sort of sites? You can rule out "real" white trash. They don't want to see their downtrodden lifestyle so savagely lampooned, their hard-luck women depicted as circus beasts. Real white trash seeks "class" in its pornography, so who buys this shit? Inhibited white rich men? Vengeance-minded horny black men?

    I wanted to e-mail the webmasters and ask them, but once you make contact, you're put on their list. And once you're on their list, you get put on other lists. And when you finally are able to remove yourself from the first few lists, you've already been put on two dozen new lists. It's not worth the trouble.

    So instead of investigating further, a few years back I provided capsule analyses of a half-dozen "trashy white girl" sites, four of which are already kaput. There are more than these half-dozen—many more. Some would say too many...



    THEIR DESCRIPTION: "The Souths [sic] Nastiest Sluts And Horney [sic] House Wives [sic] ...You will see thousands of photos of the girls from my trailer park taking it up the ass, in the mouth and getting their pussy fucked over and over!!...You will see white trailer trash women performing acts you won't believe; like only White Southern Trailer Trash can do. Keep a close watch because you might see your cousins fucking each other! ...You will see these trashy sluts both barefoot, in stockings, heels, sandals and even sometimes with filthy feet from having to feed their barnyard animals!!"

    MY DESCRIPTION: An online photo journal depicting the carnal adventures of fat, horrid, stretchmarked, desperate, menopausal, tore-up-from-the-floor-up, sub-Mason-Dixon cocksocks on a frantic quest to stuff every hole in their body to the gills lest those empty holes remind them—even for a second—of their station in life. The site is run by "Felicia," a forty-seven-year-old grandma and PTA member who doesn't look a day over ninety. Sections include SLUT PICS OF THE DAY!, INTERRACIAL GANG BANGS!, RED NECK [sic] LESBIAN LUST!, and SEX STARVED TRAILER TRASH! Adventurous minds will ponder the coercive measures needed to enforce the steadfast proclamation that "every nasty slut on this site is REQUIRED to swallow cum!" Points get subtracted due to the annoying popups and ever-replicating "consoles" and non-related porno links which keep exploding on the screen like daisy-cutter bombs, forcing you to quit your browser. I've never seen this happen outside of porno sites, and it really should be illegal.

    MOST DISGUSTING PASSAGE ON SITE: "Most of the gals that come to Dixie are 'Anal Virgins', but when they leave our parties they are shitting sperm."



    THEIR DESCRIPTION: "Thousands of candid fuck shots of the nastiest girls in the South!... We are southern sluts ...We are a group of seven girls who have moved in together under one roof. We live and play in a cabin in the North Georgia mountains and we do some of the nastiest things you have EVER seen! ... About 15 girls party here every Saturday night and they are ALL cock whores!...We do go on road trips to the local truck stop, pool hall and a few clubs around here and we fuck the shit out of some of the guys at these locations but other than that, it's ALL from the cabin and from houses in the neighborhood!"

    MY DESCRIPTION: The site's logo is rendered in a typeface that looks like wooden slats nailed to the side of a ramshackle cabin. The letters drip with huge white gobs of what is presumed to represent male ejaculate. The mamas include a cracker ho whose "fantasy is to be gang fucked by a biker club" and a black woman who claims to have "sucked off more redneck truck drivers than anyone I can think of and my little asshole has been fucked so much that I think I need a ring job." It was hard for me to forgive, even temporarily, the endless shots of jizz-gargling, ass-fisting, and turkey-baster-inserting.




    THEIR DESCRIPTION: "Trailer trash. White trash. You know the type. Tattooed, Camel smoking, Jack Daniels drinking sluts...who like to sleep til noon in their doublewide with three refridgerators [sic] out front, an engineless 1964 Dodge Dart in the back home to racoons [sic] and rats... We've got tons of nasty, skanky trailer trash girls, strutting their stuff and proud to do it. These white trash strip for you, have lesbian sex for you, play with their favorite dildos for you. Hell, even the pregnant ones get it on for you."

    MY DESCRIPTION: Subtitled "Doublewide Sex and Porn," the site's home page features a shot of a nasty redhead skank holding a purple vibrator in one hand and clutching a miniaturized dilapidated trailer home between her legs. The Trailer Trash Girls logo is rendered in a Confederate flag pattern. The site also boasts a section devoted to "Trailer Trash Lesbians" engaged in explicit, fluid-laden activities. But since that's all they show you before you have to pay, that's all I know.



    THEIR DESCRIPTION: "I meet most of [the models] in the trailer park I used to live in....Amateur trash is more fun than getting drunk and playing with firearms!...Amateur trash is better than your pet pig winning the blue ribbon at county fair....You will love Amateur trash as much as your three legged dog."

    MY DESCRIPTION: A small, amusing site sleazily rendered in that cheesy Comic Sans typeface favored among low-rent web pornographers. Thematic consistency isn't important, as one of the girls is black and another is a decidedly un-trashy eighteen-year-old Korean. One shot shows the webmaster's alleged ex-wife doing dishes, placed alongside a shot of her looking menaced by a faceless hard-on behind her. The site has a jokey feel which leads me to believe it really isn't hosted by an actual guy who used to live in a trailer park—seems more like some techgeek basking in the blue glow of a computer screen somewhere deep in the SFV.

    MOST DISGUSTING PASSAGE ON SITE: "Here is a good white trash whore for y'all. She has been dancing at the local strip club to support her boyfriends [sic] drinking habit. Now he talked her in to doing a scene for us so he can buy some more beer and pretzels."



    THEIR DESCRIPTION: "Guns, Tattoos, Pickup Trucks... Pics of real amateur white trash trailer trash redneck nasty girls naked... These girls have nothing better to do than hang out at the Burger Barn and flash their titties at people while they wait for some guy to offer his cock to her. They sure know what to do when they get their mouth on one too!"

    MY DESCRIPTION: Very little to see on the "free tour." The main model looks too Mediterranean to qualify as proper white trash—sort of a muddier Valerie Bertinelli. Plus, she's posing naked except for high heels and a BASEBALL CAP, which is never sexy under any circumstances. There is, however, one redeeming shot of a peroxided, sunken-eyed, faded-cutoff-wearing skankasaurus whose very being conjures images of meth-pipe burns and children given up for adoption—in other words, HOT stuff!



    THEIR DESCRIPTION: "The Farmer's Daughter is about beautiful, erotic young teen women and animals, in the fields, on horses, and on farm equipment...Young firm bodies playing with each other and barnyard bestiality, beastiality, [sic] or animal sex—just hot young farm girls playing with each other, animal, [sic] and tractors."

    MY DESCRIPTION: I'm not sure what to say. I mean, they get a bunch of hot young farm girls together, place them next to some hot young farm animals, and yet no bestiality? No beastality, either? You'd think that they'd at least give you one. Or the other. Or, in a righteous world, both.

    MOST DISGUSTING PASSAGE ON SITE: "Girls who breed animals (animal husbandry) are not sqeamish. [sic] They know how to have fun. After all, animal sex is normal (that is how you get a baby animal). So seeing animal sex (not bestiality) makes a teen girl horny and ready... And every girl loves horses. Feeling their strong, powerful bodies between their legs, (yes, rubbing against their pussy—still not bestiality or sex, but animal sensual massage) makes them hot and wet for erotic pornography."

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