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Funniest Yahoo! Fetish Groups
People are disgusting. There’s no sidestepping that simple fact. For all the sanctimonious belching that attempts to prove human sexuality is a noble and uplifting thing—that it gives us wings to fly, even—most of the evidence clearly demonstrates that our desires drag us down to the level of cockroaches.
So-called “normal” human sexuality is bad enough. Blood-engorged cock pounding into slimy vaginal cave—ewwww! But when the sane researcher wades past the realm of ordinary hetero coupling into the perverted world of fetishes, fixations, and partialism, it becomes a struggle merely to retain the contents of one’s stomach. Can’t you people behave? I felt like vomiting during this article’s entire research phase. You all make me sick!
There is nothing on earth so repellent that someone, somewhere, isn’t jerking off to the thought of it. Yahoo.com, one of the Internet’s most popular search engines and news hubs, allows every psychosexual basket case this side of kiddie-murderers to devote discussion groups to their chosen sexual aberration. At the time this was written, Yahoo! hosted 1,861 groups under the “fetish” classification. I whittled it down to the 22 groups which I found funniest.
You’ll notice typos littered throughout this piece, at least where group names and posts are cited. Except for removing a few passages and replacing them with an ellipsis (…), I haven’t edited or corrected anything. This is partially to retain the originals’ authenticity, but also because I’m tired of cleanin’ up after you.
Describing itself as “the intellectual exploration of mixed wrestling and crush fetish,” this group caters to the tastes of the masochistic man who enjoys tusslin’ with a woman before she eventually squashes him to death.
SAMPLE POST: I want a woman, preferably 400+ lbs, to sit on me while she eats twinkies....
Let’s get the scat fetish out of the way now, shall we?
SAMPLE POST:I get tuened on when I see a women sitting on the toilet straining to move her bowels. I like to hear her grunting and then passing what sounds like marbles.
Finally, a group for hairy gay men who enjoy looking at pictures of other hairy gay men puffin’ away on stogies!
SAMPLE POST: Any cigar smoking bears near Chicago looking for a smoke, piss and cum swap let me know.
A group for Christian men who are trying to overcome an “addiction to watching women smoke.” Christian men assist other Christian men in overcoming this odd predilection, and it all sounds pretty faggy to me.
SAMPLE POST:I struggle with the same addiction. I actually stumbled on your groups page, trying to find Yahoo-groups with pictures/clips of women smoking. I don’t know why I have this “fetish”, but my fascination with “smoking women” has been going on for a long time. I am very glad that you have this group…it is encouraging to know that a Brother in Christ understands some of what I’m going through.
A Liverpool homo who loves sniffin’ rank fag-pits hosts this group for other Liverpudlian nelly-boys and their malodorous underarms.
SAMPLE POST: I just adore the smell of smelly armpits and body odour it is so animal and sexy don’t you think? Please make sure you smell under your arms when you come and visit me ! Deodorant is banned in this club, we like the animal smells best. The smellier the better!
On one level, this group caters to the occasional oddball who’s sexually attracted to deaf people and/or enjoys wearing hearing aids when they don’t really need them. But on a deeper, far more disturbing plane, it offers networking tools for those who are sexually aroused by the idea of self-induced permanent silence. It even offers advice for those who consider “crossing the bridge” by deliberately making themselves deaf. The group moderator claims to have “acquired a substantial hearing loss by choice.”
SAMPLE POST: Some…have thought of becoming deaf by choice at some time in their lives but have not yet done so. We have members who wear hearing aids recreationally for fun, others who wear them for need with pride.
A typical diaper-fetish group. I could have chosen any of them. They’re all funny.
SAMPLE POST:Go to DiaperDad.net to see our expanded free preview section. Diaper Guys and Diaper Gear. Special section on plastic pants… plus new hypno slideshows! A great diaper training technique. Find out about our Diaper Vacations and how to visit our Diaper House. We make guys wear diapers all weekend! Now hiring Diaper Models for the new DiaperDad Diaper Catalog.
A group for “those that get turned [on or] sexually aroused by the thought of” Electroconvulsive Therapy. It serves not only the needs of the S/M freaks who salivate over the idea of shock treatment, but also those who indulge in “electroplay and electrostimulation” as part of their sexual diet. We learn that “a cattle prod won’t kill you,” as well as which classic Hollywood films feature electroshock scenes.
SAMPLE POST: My boy and I used our Electro Cock Rings for the first time last night. When he came, electricity shot out of his cock, through my asshole and blew the cum out of my cock. I have never came the intensely before. When my boys load shot out of his Cock and into my asshole it felt like a bolt of lightning! I had seen a demonstration in Chicago a couple of years ago and have always wanted to try it. Glad I finally did….I have just ordered an Electro Anal Bullet. I Can’t Wait to try it!!! I’m thinking about the electro glove next. Can’t imagine how good it would feel to jack off with it or to have my boy play with my ass with it.
“Furries” are people who enjoy sex while dressed in animal costumes. This group specializes in those Midwesterners who dabble in “the darker side of Furry…[and] support a gothic lifestyle.”
SAMPLE POST:The name’s Magnus, (whole alias is Magnus Dingo, but of course no one goes around saying your whole furry alias/name) and I’m obviously a GothFur.…I’m a anthropomorphic Aussie Dingo for my fursona. I don’t have an avatar for my LJ and FurJournal....Am I the only furson out there in Internet Land that draws/portrays themself WEARING what they actually wear IRL? I find so many fursons who draw all this ’fanart’ of their furry selves, yet they don’t actually own it. I’m quite the opposite, my fursona’s pictures has not been altered or any other accessories added to make me look more ’spehsul & hardxcore’.... Hope I’m welcomed here. =D *Waves a paw to all*
For those who fantasize about the Big Green Ass on the Big Green Man from the frozen-vegetable packages.
SAMPLE POST: One day the great giant, standing more than 50 feet high, felt a little lonely. In fact he was incredibly horny, but there were no female giants, so he did the next best thing. He banged the crotch of a tree. Afterward he regretted it because he got splinters, but the deed had been done. The great redwood tree had been fertilized….Near the top of the tree, was a gigantic pine cone….A sudden gust of wind caused it to fall nearly 200 feet to the ground where it shattered. Hence the untimely birth of the Jolly Green Giant.
A meeting ground for nut-kickers and the men who love them.
SAMPLE POST:sub gay male seeks straight males to kick me in the nuts…i like to be humiliated by str8 guys crawl around while they kick me in the balls they should be laughing most of the time would like ball damage eventually no more creaming for this fag
Yet another one of these electronic watering holes for born-again Christians who, through the power of Christ, have convinced themselves that they aren’t perverts anymore. This one’s “A Place for Recovering Female Bashers.”
SAMPLE POST: I am a born-again Christian who was once very much into (fantasy) violence against women. I would get off on pictures, videos, and stories about women being hit in the crotch, belly, and breasts. Gradually, however, with God’s help and by God’s grace, I have come to see how unhealthy, unwholesome, and destructive this particular fetish is….
“If you get turned-on by the sight of a swimmer wearing a nose clip or a person pinching your nose or holding his or her own nose,” writes the moderator, “this site is for you!”
SAMPLE POST:I remember a scene from Cheers where Sam and Diane grab on to each other’s nose at the same time for maybe half a minute, both talking nasally….Hello everyone, I just want some help from you guys here if you know of any movie or cartoon that involves someone’s nose being pinched in order to have their mouth forced open. I appreciate it, thanks.
An electronic feeding trough for guys and gals who like to sprinkle ’n’ splash a li’l “tummy juice” all over their lovemaking.
SAMPLE POST:Until then we’d been fooling and playing about but as I vomited into her mouth it all changed. We began kissing and rubbing each other. Then we had sex on the bathroom floor - getting covered in slippery slimy puke - totally covered as we threw up a few more times. I’ve never had such passionate, uninhibited, disgusting sex!!
Men who love women who love to beat the shit out of men.
SAMPLE POST:My wife is a naturally strong woman. Out of experience I can share with you, whenever she beat me up in the past (there always has been a reason though, she never hits or hurts me for no reason) it was utterly painful.…Throughout my marriage I have learned the meaning of corporal punishment. I think this is how it should be in every household.
Little Men who want Big Women to step on them.
SAMPLE POST:All around her, tiny men were scurrying to and fro, looking for ways to please her.…It was deliciously perverted when she realized that even as her giant sole was coming down on them to squish them to grease they had hard-ons and were masturbating as fast as they could.…They saw that giant, deadly sole descending on them and they didn’t even realize that they were about to die an agonizingly painful death because they were so overwhelmed at her sensuousness and attractiveness that they could think of nothing else.
Snot junkies convene to hock loogies on each other.
SAMPLE POST:So her nose is dripping snot and I’m talking romantically to her and our faces are getting closer and closer together. She’s still licking up the snot every now and then and I offer to clean her nose for her. I start licking the snot from her top lip until I’m pushing my tongue right into her nostrils -as I hug her she sort of snorts and blows a big load of snot into my mouth.
A place where those good souls who savor stinky socks can network with the arrogant tops who provide those socks for a price.
SAMPLE POST: sniff my rank socks slaveboy….On your knees and sniff my rank socks, suck my toes and eat my toejam. You are only good to lick my feet clean and to give me your fagcash. Will rape your wallet while my huge rank feet are in your face, haha, beg now to get my new pics and videos and pay for my party drinks.
If sawing wood gives you wood or gets you wet…in other words, if you cop a nut at the sound of someone copping Z’s…you can meet people here who are just as weird as you are. There’s even a section where men provide MP3s of themselves snoring.
SAMPLE POST:i ’m lucky because i have a girl for a roomate in university, and she snores. The thing is she’s goodlooking, and pretty stuck up. she doesnt really talk to me, we just share accoms. anyways for me thats part of the turn on..to watch this beautiful chick snore with her mouth wide open. sometimes when she comes home really drunk and passes out, i know i can also touch her. the first time i touched her, i just put my fingers on her open mouth, and felt her snores. i have also lay down beside her, and put my face right up to hers, to feel her snores on my face. or touching her mouth against mine, i also enjoy pushing her chin down with my finger, so her mouth opens really wide, and she snores way louder. has anyone tried that? it works if you like loud snoring. and i got to touch her tits once. she was passed out drunk, lying on her side, snoring, and her tit fell out the top of her tank top. so i touched the nipple.
A homosexual stomping ground for Nazi males who love to suck cock and blame Jews. The moderator describes it as a “Man-to-Man forum for those who believe! Swastika Knights is a Man-to-Man open forum for those interested in NS, WP or the Skinhead movements and desire to share, communicate and network with like-minded Men….The only solution is a NEW ORDER!”
SAMPLE POST (in response to a female intruder who’d insulted the group): What do you know of Odin bitch? The fact that there are only MEN in Valhalla should give you some clue to what’s up. And may Odin send all your evil wishes back on you, you mouth breathing breeder dirtbag. Shut up and make some gay babies, that’s all you’re good for
A corner pub for able-bodied Limeys who are attracted to the wheelchair-bound. Also for Brits who arouse themselves by sitting in wheelchairs and pretending they’re crippled.
Although the name might lead you to believe this group idealizes female inmates, it instead worships females on the right side of the law, whether they’re wardens, guards, or the psychotic accusers who enjoy putting men behind bars.
SAMPLE POST: my ex girl friend and i love to gloat over all the men that are locked up in prison. i love women governers, haveing all that power is so sexy. my ex girl friend gets turned on thinking about men that will spend the rest of ther lives in prison. i used to make love to her and tell her how horrable it must be in prison, this turned her on so much. we always talked about watching a man get sentanced to life in prison, this would turn us on so much. i think i whant to live in prison, for the rest of my life. while women are on the outside haveing a good time