Author Topic: Those Sexy Dolphins  (Read 9272 times)

Jim

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Those Sexy Dolphins
« on: January 31, 2010, 12:32:38 PM »
If you admire and enjoy the "MISDIRECTED" section on the home page as much as we both know you do, you're aware that a statistically disproportionate number of wayward porn surfers arrived here by searching terms related to sex with dolphins. At last count, 40 different such searches led to this site. Here are half of them:

woman dies from sex with dolphin
oral sex of male dolphins
dolphin jizzing
date rape drug,dolphin
dolphins masterbating
woman violated by dolphin
naked girls and dolphins
woman having sex with dolphin pics cum blow dick
guy sucks dolphins dick movie
dreams about fucking dolphins
girl dies masterbating dolphin
slut sucks off dolphin
girl killed by dolphin cum
dolphin makes "amorous" advances on young women
girls fuck dolphins
"dolphin penis" photo
picture naked man on dolphin
man fucking dolphins vagina
dolphins pussy spred
male dolphin aggression with girl video


For the life of me, I can't figure out why dolphin sex is so disproportionately represented among search terms, but I'm telling you, it's like Jews in the entertainment industry!

I wrote an article about animal cocks that mentioned dolphins, but it also mentioned several other of God's creatures, and no one's searching for whale cock and pussy, let me tell you. It's dolphins, dolphins, dolphins. And it's not a specific kink, either, apart from the dolphin part—as you can see from the search terms, they're getting fucked and sucked by male and female dolphins, and the dolphins are returning the favor.

Don't get me wrong—I think dolphins are cute, but I've never seen them as sexy. Apparently, a lot of people disagree. Am I missing something?





« Last Edit: February 15, 2010, 06:38:10 PM by admin »

Coughlin

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #1 on: January 31, 2010, 12:48:52 PM »
Because, like Morrisey said, "I am human and I need to be loved, just like everybody else does."




Alexander

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #2 on: January 31, 2010, 01:35:12 PM »



There's a King of the Hill episode where Hank is given a gift certificate for a "dolphin encounter" in a pool at a resort... during what turns out to be dolphin mating season. The results are a lot like Coughlin's motion-capture above.

Couldn't find any clips that haven't been removed for copyright violation, but there's some episode info here:

http://www.tv.com/king-of-the-hill/jon-vitti-presents-return-to-la-grunta/episode/9169/summary.html

So like us. So very, very like us.




« Last Edit: January 31, 2010, 07:31:01 PM by Alexander »

Jim

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #3 on: February 02, 2010, 05:40:26 AM »
Sex with Dolphins - "How To", and a Personal Viewpoint...

Dolphins are very intelligent, highly emotional and expressive creatures. They enjoy the company of humans, and if a relationship develops between a human and a dolphin, as has happened with me, they will, on occasion, wish to express their trust and affection for you in the most direct way; through mating, or sex-play. You see, dolphins do not use sex purely for procreative reasons. They use it as a way of strengthening the bonds between pod mates (mothers and calves included), and also for fun. Dolphins and humans share this common trait with very few other animals, so sometimes it makes me wonder when people continue to ask me "How DO you mate with a dolphin?". Easy. Let the dolphin tell you!...

There are 2 ways of determining the sex of a dolphin. The most obvious way is to take a peek under the peduncle (the long part of the body connected to the tail flukes). On the dolphin's belly, directly opposite the dorsal fin, will be the umbilicus, or the navel of the dolphin. Looking further down towards the tail, you start to see the differences.

Male dolphins have two separate slits for the penis (the urogenital opening) and the anus. These are separated by a bridge of skin. The male's urogenital opening is generally located further up the belly, towards the navel.

Females, on the other fin, have one continuous larger slit, the anus located at the end of it....

Males are probably the easiest to detect. They will swim around, sporting an erection (anywhere between 10 to 14 inches long for a Bottle-nose), and will have no bones about swimming up to you and placing their member within reach of your hand. If you are in the water, they may rub it along any part of your body, or wrap it around your wrist or ankle. (Dolphin males have a prehensile penis. They can wrap it around objects, and carry them as such.) Their belly will also be pinkish in colour, which also denotes sexual excitement.

Jim

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #4 on: February 02, 2010, 06:53:06 AM »
Dodgy dolphin sparks sex in the surf fears

A wild dolphin in New Zealand is in trouble with authorities again.

Moko became a tourist attraction on the North Island after he swam into a harbour and never left.

About six months ago his mood changed; he began getting a bit aggressive and started liking human ladies a little too much.

He was in trouble for refusing to let a female swimmer go back to shore because he had not finished playing with her. The exhausted woman thought she was going to drown.

Now the dolphin is in hot water for terrorising some young female lifesavers and headbutting a couple of surfers.

Moko might be cute to look at, but he has a dark side and can get very moody....



(Via Aussie Andrew)

Nick

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #5 on: February 02, 2010, 09:22:59 AM »
I've heard that when a human female rebuffs the advances of an aroused male bottlenose,
the pod will revile her and say she's nothing more than a piece of "dolphin-free tuna".
The first sign of sanity is rebellion.

Nate

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #6 on: February 02, 2010, 10:16:20 AM »
Dolphins are faggots.  Those of us "in the know" have long known that killer whales get ALL the pussy.


Shift

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #7 on: February 02, 2010, 10:34:55 AM »
Quote
if a relationship develops between a human and a dolphin, as has happened with me, they will, on occasion, wish to express their trust and affection for you in the most direct way; through mating, or sex-play.


"sex-play"

That sounds so much nicer than fish-diddling.
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Shift

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #8 on: February 02, 2010, 10:45:14 AM »
Quote
if a relationship develops between a human and a dolphin, as has happened with me, they will, on occasion, wish to express their trust and affection for you in the most direct way; through mating, or sex-play.


I had a similar experience.  Only, with a warthog.
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Shift

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #9 on: February 02, 2010, 11:23:35 AM »
Quote
if a relationship develops between a human and a dolphin, as has happened with me, they will, on occasion, wish to express their trust and affection for you in the most direct way; through mating, or sex-play.


The author brings up what I think is perhaps the most important thing in a relationship with a fish, and that's trust.
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Shift

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #10 on: February 02, 2010, 11:27:33 AM »
Quote


Bozo apparently finds Madge very trustworthy.
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Shift

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #11 on: February 02, 2010, 03:18:16 PM »
I once dated a paramecium.

I'd say trust, mutual respect, and above all being emotionally available are the three cornerstones of a happy, healthy relationship with protozoa.

That, and unicellular fission-play.
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Shift

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #12 on: February 03, 2010, 04:31:28 PM »
Often the paramecium will express its trust with flagellum-play.
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Jim

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #13 on: February 06, 2010, 08:37:45 PM »

Jim

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Re: Those Sexy Dolphins
« Reply #14 on: February 08, 2010, 08:01:49 PM »
Cletus Nelson shares a steamy cetacean-sex passage from ketamine-shooting dolphin-fondler John Lilly.

Thought you'd enjoy this titillating excerpt from John C. Lilly's The Mind of the Dolphin. In this X-rated passage, Margaret, a female research assistant who has been chosen to live among the dolphins in a controlled setting describes her boundary-shattering erotic encounters with Peter, a randy young male dolphin:

Be warned: the following paragraph is white-hot:

"Now it has happened that Peter has modified his sexual rambunctiousness...to a more humanized level...and no longer has to come to a dead stop when he gets excited. Peter's sexual excitement usually begins with the biting business and my stroking him. Now, however, when his penis becomes erect, he no longer tries to run me down and knock me off my feet, rather he slides very smoothly along my legs, and I can very easily rub his penis with either my hand or my foot. Peter accepts either and again seems to reach some sort of orgasm and relaxes...This is not a private thing. Peter and I have done this with other people present...but it is a very precious sort of thing, Peter is completely involved, and I involve myself to the extent of putting as much love into the tone, touch, and mood as possible...we do not have to respect his privacy...but we cannot help but respect his happiness!..."