Tombs of the Unknown Soldiers

The Myth of the Myth of “Black Confederates”


The superficially benign sons and daughters of Marx who ham-handedly control public discourse among all English-speaking peoples of the world—the self-hating, typically pale-skinned, and invariably upper-class ectomorphs who blow Noam Chomsky under his desk as they simultaneously give handjobs to Foucault and Derrida while taking it up the ass without lube from Mao’s tiny, angry dick—insist that history is written by the winners and that we should be highly suspicious of anything that winners write.

I have no argument with them on that count, especially as it applies to the historical record on war. But in their tireless efforts to steer Left so often that they may as well be in a NASCAR race, they permit two blazingly hypocritical exceptions to this rule: World War II and America’s Civil War. Because the winners tell us that these conflicts were waged for the exclusive purpose of annihilating anyone who indulged in the pernicious, viral, and inescapably naughty thought crime of RACISM, Leftists eagerly swallow what the winners say like malnourished infants slurping on a cream-filled bottle.

I don’t care to dispute popular notions about World War II because, to be candid, I’m an American and don’t care about the rest of the world. But I believe there are cotton fields full of evidence to dispute the sacred notion that President Lincoln allowed over half a million white men to die merely because he thought blacks were neato and slavery was uncool.

But you won’t believe anything I say, because I’m an asshole white-male American who doesn’t feel bad about being an asshole white-male American, so I’ll let Lincoln’s own words make my case for me:

I will say, then, that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of bringing about in any way the social and political equality of the white and black races [applause]; that I am not, nor ever have been, in favor of making voters or jurors of Negroes, nor of qualifying them to hold office, nor to intermarry with white people…And inasmuch as they cannot so live, while they do remain together there must be the position of superior and inferior, and I as much as any other man am in favor of having the superior position assigned to the white race.
—The Lincoln-Douglas debates, Charleston, IL, September 18, 1858

There is a natural disgust in the minds of nearly all white people, to the idea of an indiscriminate amalgamation of the white and black races.…Judge Douglas is especially horrified at the thought of the mixing of the blood by the white and black races; agreed for once—a thousand times agreed.…I am not in favor of Negro citizenship [applause].…That is all I have to say about it.
—The Lincoln-Douglas debates, Springfield, IL, June 22, 1857

Negro equality! Fudge!! How long, in the government of a God great enough to make and maintain this universe, shall there continue knaves to vend, and fools to gulp, so low a piece of demagoguism as this?
—From Fragments: Notes for Speeches, September, 1859

My paramount object in this struggle is to save the Union, and is not either to save or to destroy slavery. If I could save the Union without freeing any slave, I would do it…
—From a letter to Horace Greeley during the Civil War

For the fucking sake of the bleeding, sweating, dying, wailing, burping, farting, nailed-to-the-cross Jesus, people—America’s Civil War was no different than all other wars in that its underpinnings were primarily economic rather than ideological.

Charles Dickens, who, besides Noddy Holder, is one of the only British men I truly admire, is credited with the following passages:

The Northern onslaught upon slavery was no more than a piece of specious humbug designed to conceal its desire for economic control of the Southern states.
—London, 1861

Any reasonable creature may know, if willing, that the North hates the Negro, and that until it was convenient to make a pretence that sympathy with him was the cause of the war, hated the abolitionists and derided them up hill and down dale.
—Letter, 1862

But perhaps the most persuasive, damning, and mind-blowing notion of all is the idea that some—not all, not most, and maybe not even many, relatively speaking—Southern blacks picked up arms and fought for the Confederacy during the Civil War.

I realize that you, living as you do in your tiny pink bubble, find this impossible to believe. Here is what some modern historians and columnists say about it:

There were an estimated 50,000 blacks who served willingly as Confederate soldiers...Federal history has hidden and altered the truth of the role blacks played in the War for Southern Independence.…They have taught their Yankee version of history in our public schools for the last 140+ years and have purposely taught hatred, misunderstanding, and ignorance between the black and white races.
—H. K. Edgerton

Many people don’t realize that blacks served in the Confederate Army, and that some actually fought...Many people ask why free blacks would join the Confederate Army....There could be many reasons. Many free blacks were literate and property owners, so it could have been in their interest to be with the Confederates.
—Earl Ijames

When you eliminate the black Confederate soldier, you've eliminated the history of the South.
—Leonard Haynes

Some of them were promised their freedom if they fought. Others went out of loyalty for their masters, and stayed with them in times of trouble….Black men did fight on both sides….
—James Eaton

It has been estimated that over 65,000 Southern blacks were in the Confederate ranks. Over 13,000 of these, "saw the elephant," also known as meeting the enemy in combat. These Black Confederates included both slave and free. The Confederate Congress did not approve blacks to be officially enlisted as soldiers (except as musicians), until late in the war. But in the ranks it was a different story. Many Confederate officers did not obey the mandates of politicians, they frequently enlisted blacks with the simple criteria, "Will you fight?"
—Walter Williams

At this point you are scratching your cherry-pit-sized testicles uncomfortably and are primed to label all such assertions as the delusional ravings of bigoted, inbred Southern rednecks fiercely attempting to deny the undeniable generational guilt they inherited from their forefathers, guilt that they must, if they are to be considered decent men at all, flog themselves with until they crawl submissively into the grave.

The problem with that idea is that ALL of those quotes come from black men.

Still searching for an excuse to prevent your ideological walls from crumbling down, you insist that white racism is so pervasive and powerful, it has led a small minority of the black minority into the darkest canyons of self-abhorring madness and that the idea of white racism alone can be used to discount all of the above quotes.

Fuck you, then, suck on this:

It is now pretty well established, that there are at the present moment many colored men in the Confederate army doing duty not only as cooks, servants and laborers, but as real soldiers, having muskets on their shoulders, and bullets in their pockets, ready to shoot down loyal troops, and do all that soldiers may to destroy the Federal Government and build up that of the traitors and rebels.…That the Negroes are numerous in the rebel army, and do for that army its heaviest work, is beyond question.

That’s from an 1862 letter to Abraham Lincoln written by famed ex-slave and abolitionist Frederick Douglass, who, as you may be remotely bright enough to guess, was a black man. Seeing as he was a black ex-slave who was alive during the Civil War, I have a tugging suspicion he’d know more about the topic than either you or me. So shut that cock-receptacle you call a mouth and get back to working in that field before I whip you again.