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"Jena 6" Member Flubs Dramatic Opportunity to Make it "Jena 5"

Meet Mychal Bell. In 2006, he and five other black Louisiana teens beat up the white teen pictured below. I don't know the victim's name, and I don't really think it's important. The only important thing is that he's white.

Mychal Bell was sixteen when he and his Gang O' Merry Wildin' Negroes stomped that Louisiana white boy's mildly unkempt face. In the year leading up to the gang assault, Bell had been convicted in juvenile court of punching a girl and hitting a man, not to mention two acts of vandalism. OK, so I mentioned it. In his mid-teens, he was convicted of assaulting two others, PLUS two acts of vandalism. Lawdy knows how many acts the young brown sprout got away with committing.

Bell was convicted by an all-white jury for the beatdown pictured above. The 50 or so local blacks who'd been summoned to jury duty had failed to appear because they were scratching their genitals and eating potato chips.

Although the guy that Bell and his five friends bravely whomped the fuck out of had absolutely nothing to do with a noose that was allegedly hung somewhere on the local high school's premises by an unknown person, an insanely race-paranoid nation was able to make the 6-on-1 ratpackers into victims of racism. The gang of assailants were dubbed The Jena 6, leading to an outpouring of evangelical (yet entirely hypocritical and illogical) race-baiting among huge swaths of America's black and guilty-white populations, culminating in impassioned scenes of public bawling such as the whoop-dee-dooing on display below by Mychal Bell's mother. I don't know her name and absolutely refuse to check what it is. I will, instead, insist on calling her Fantasia Bell.

This Monday, only days after being busted on an all-new shoplifting charge, Mychal Bell shot himself in the chest.

He couldn't even kill himself correctly.

He is now being treated for his wounds.

Word has it that he tried to take his life because he was upset about how a racist society viewed him because he and five other dudes beat the fuck out of a white kid because he was white.