true stories of dumb women
Overlooking their infantile emotions and susceptibility to kindergarten-level superstitions, I'm not sure whether women are any dumber than men. But though popular depictions of doofusy men abound, it has become heretical to imply that women can be dumb at all.
To help counter such widespread ignorance about widespread female ignorance, I offer you three real-life stories—two which I witnessed and one which was told to me by a woman.
The first involves a freckle-faced, mouth-breathing co-worker from Secaucus (pronounced "SEE-kawk-iss"), NJ, who toiled alongside me on the night shift at a NYC print shop back in the mid-80s. While struggling to comprehend the simple ad copy she was typing into a computer, she suddenly blurted out, "What does 'un-durfd' mean?" Helpful as always, I sidled up to her cubicle and realized she was trying to wrestle with the word "underfed," which is an apt description of her brain relative to oxygen.
The second concerns my sister's former mother-in-law, a jaw-droppingly dim-witted woman who was later blamed by our side of the family for being the primary gene donor for my niece and nephew's learning disabilities. We were sitting poolside at a Jersey shore motel when she posed this riddle: "If the pool is eight feet deep on one end and three feet deep on the other, how come it's even on top?"
Today's final story conveys a similar instance of aquatic-perception retardation. While standing at the beach looking at the ocean with her family, a doltish matriarch asked, "What's the elevation here?" After an embarrassed pause, someone quietly answered, "sea level."
