canine intelligence tests ruled "culturally biased"
CLIFTON HEIGHTS, PA—In a landmark court decision designed to counter centuries of "breedist" prejudice, Pennsylvania Circuit Court Judge Israel Zionberg has determined that canine IQ tests unfairly discriminate against certain dog types.
"Dog intelligence, like human intelligence, is strictly in the eyes of the beholder," Zionberg explained in his ruling. Noting that the dog-IQ tests were almost entirely based on a breed's ability to understand and obey commands, he wrote, "Some dog cultures simply don't value obedience as highly as other dog cultures, and we need to respect this fact. Some dogs would rather chase cats or sit around and bask in the sun, and it isn't our right to judge them for this." Zionberg also said that three of the breeds rated in the Top Ten according to intelligence—German Shepherds, Dobermans, and Rottweilers—were "Nazi dogs," implying that a sinister "Purebred Aryan Canine Supremacist" cabal ruled the dog-intelligence industry. He also pointed out that the ranking of the Afghan as the least-intelligent breed reflected "rampant anti-Muslim prejudice resulting from the War on Terrorism."
The ruling will likely lead to an Affirmative Action program resulting in more jobs for low-scoring breeds such as Chihuahuas, bulldogs, and basset hounds in police-detective work.
