fewer men in ponytails
As my weary eyes survey a civilization decaying so rapidly you can almost SEE it rotting like high-speed photography of vermin devouring a corpse, I strain to find glimmers of hope beyond the smoke clouds and carnage.
Amid the stinking tossed salad of modern existence, I managed to find one humble crouton of promising news:
Fewer men are wearing ponytails these days.
Now in remission, this sinister follicular ritual, this implausible melding of yuppiedom and hipsterism, reached its height sometime in the late 1980s. Steven Seagal, that slit-eyed, puffy-cheeked, action-movie shlub, wore one. He probably still does...I don't know...haven't heard much about him lately. And I can't name anyone else famous who sported an equestrian ass-Swiffer back then, either. They've all faded into nobodiness, a just fate for sartorial criminality.
And for the foolios who still "don the scrunchie," take a hint from nature: Ponies don't wear guytails. And beyond that, it makes you REALLY vulnerable in a fight.
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