fumigators tackle house infested with semites
SKOKIE, ILLINOIS—Professional exterminator Knute Girbsen and his son Thørsten received a strange call recently from a widow who claimed her house had been overrun with Semites.
"Sure enough, we get there and there are Jews just crawlin' all over the place," the elder Girbsen tells me as we share a strawberry parfait and stare into each other's eyes. "Jews in the cupboards, Jews on the ceiling, Jews between the walls—and you should've seen all the dad-blamed Jews down in the basement—just hootin' and hollerin' and runnin' around like the Dickens."
"Like the Dickens?" I ask, confused.
"Yeah, like the DICKENS," snarls young Thørsten Girbsen, moving toward me as if to strike.
"Leave the poor guy alone," the elder Girbsen counsels his headstrong progeny. "Yeah, like I was saying, them Jews was runnin' around like the Dickens and causing a major Jew ruckus. So we took out our squirt guns and went to work. You shoulda seen them Jews crying and screaming—and what's funnier, they were doin' that like the Dickens, too."
"You ain't a Jew, are ye?" Thørsten grills me, clenching his fist.
"Do I LOOK like a Jew?" I asked.
"Yeah," father and son chime together.
For this, dear readers, I had no answer.
