"nigger-scaring" category added to famous dog show
WOONSOCKET, RHODE ISLAND—Fans of the world-renowned Eastminster Kennel Club Dog Show thrill yearly to the prissy preening of pampered pooches who compete in categories defined for Working, Sporting, Terrier, and Toy breeds.
"We've been highly successful, but we felt there wasn't enough recognition in our pageant for what you might call the 'nigger-scaring breeds,'" says Club representative Lex Affenpinscher, a bespectacled and obviously gay elderly man. "You know—the bloodhounds, the Rottweilers, the German Shepherds, and the pit bulls who've been traditionally used, especially in the American South, to frighten people of color and make them think twice about getting an attitude."
This year, at Affenpinscher's direction, the Dog Show will feature a new group—the Nigger-Scaring Group—to address such historical inequities. Dogs in this category will be judged not only according to the sheen of their coat and the gleam in their eyes—they'll be forced to chase a black man around the show floor, and, based on a subsequent heart-rate monitor, it will be determined which dog scared him the most.
