dog licks goad’s head; world peace seen on horizon
PORTLAND, OR—World-despised woman-beating racist jackhole and part-time teenaged cocksucker Jim Goad experienced an emotional, spiritual, and hygienic breakthrough recently when his pet pug Cookie, for no apparent reason, began licking his head.
"Today was gloomy for early August," Goad muses as we stare out his apartment window while the soft Northwestern rain pelts the tweakers and jogging lesbians on the slippery streets below. "Today’s weather made me really pissed off at all the usual suspects—you know, the blacks, the Jews, the feminists, and the fags, but especially the blacks." We continue staring outside as a black man starts raping a series of white women. "Did I mention the blacks?" Goad turns to me with a pleading look in his eyes.
Biting into a protein bar, Goad relates the incident which melted his heart and made him vow not to be such a meanie anymore. "I was sitting on the couch and, I’m man enough to admit it, I had just finished jerking off, and I was falling into that narcotic post-jack psychological Easter basket where I usually wind up snoring and letting the jizz dry all over me, but then Cookie jumps up on the couch and starts licking my head. Out of nowhere, I started crying. It just made me realize that nothing good can come from the negative path I’ve chosen in life. I decided right then and there to make amends for all the hurt I’ve caused. It might be hard, and I might slip up from time to time, but I’m going to really try and not kill any blacks, Jews, feminists, or fags. Not that I don’t think they deserve it, but it just wouldn’t be very cool."
