goad sweeps "goadie" awards
The 43rd Annual Goadie Awards, hosted by the Jim Goad Foundation to Build a Safer World for Jim Goad's Ego, unfolded with few surprises last night—heavily favored Jim Goad captured most of the major trophies, with the main exception coming in the "Best Jim Goad Impersonation" category, snagged this year by the Jim Goad mannequin.
"Wow...you like me...you really, really REALLY like me!" Goad [pictured here with longtime personal valet and homosexual masseur Lord Ashleigh St. John] exclaimed to a sea of genetically engineered Jim Goad clones while accepting his eighteenth award of the evening, this one for "Best Photograph Taken by Jim Goad While Jim Goad Was Masturbating." Goad then launched into a long, self-pitying tirade about how others failed to "understand" him, but how "Jim Goad was always there for me. When I thought about cashing in all my chips, Jim Goad told me not to do it. When I thought that other people besides myself might have valuable opinions, Jim Goad looked me in the eye and told me I was wrong. Thank you, Jim Goad—it's a better world for Jim Goad with Jim Goad in it."
