Friday, November 12, 2004
When actors are portrayed as fat or ugly in movies and TV, I often wonder about the casting process. What sort of cramped black hell does the actor endure when their unsightliness is not only hinted at by the endless bludgeoning snubs which the congenitally hideous naturally suffer, but by an ANTI-beauty pageant wherein their frightful visage is SANCTIONED and then presented to the WORLD as an example of how NOT to look? Open auditions for UGLY person! UGLINESS a MUST! If you're even remotely attractive, DON'T EVEN BOTHER!
Yesterday I caught a Seinfeld rerun wherein George Costanza is feigning near-blindness to a uniquely uncomely optometrist. "You're a very handsome man," George tells him, squinting. The optometrist then makes a face as if to say, Poor bastard must REALLY be blind! The unfortunate thespian is not only identified as ugly; he's forced to ACKNOWLEDGE it. What did the director say to him? OK, when George calls you handsome, you make a funny face, because you, I, everyone here—and soon, ALL OF AMERICA—knows you're NOT handsome!
I feel a small pinch of compassion for such actors until I realize that no one is forcing them to be there. In fact, they're so needy and desperate for attention, they don't mind being insulted so long as the red light's on and the camera's rolling.
Such is the vanity of the extremely ugly.
Posted by jg @ 02:05 PM PST []
Friday, November 5, 2004
My mighty G4 has been coughing up blood for the past two weeks, and I haven't had much Net access. I've tried to wean myself from my online addictions by "getting back to the land." I've been taking long walks on the beach, curling up by the fireplace with a good mystery novel, and volunteering at a local soup kitchen.
I've also been trying to get a handle on my storage space. Tearing through old sweaters, college textbooks, and my beloved Souvenir Alaskan Pine Cones, I stumbled across a cache of Goadiana which may titillate the more obsessive collector types out there. For ONE WEEK ONLY I am offering the following items, with PAYPAL being the only accepted payment method.
It's TOO LATE to order ANSWER Me! #1, 2, and 4...you gobbled them all up within 48 hours, and my stash is gone. Those who wisely ordered them should receive copies within the week. For the rest of you, tough luck, bitches. I warned you that this shit would fly. But don't kill yourself yet...wait at least until ANSWER Me! gets reprinted early next year. And some of you who ordered #4 still need to send me an AGE STATEMENT.